Step 11 – Communication Concerns Instantly
What is the difference between a concern and a problem? A problem is a concern that wasn’t expressed soon enough. But that is only one way the word concern is used.
The dictionary has five definitions of the noun concern: worry; caring feelings; relevant affair; business; and object. It has 4 definitions of the verb concern: make somebody worried; be interesting or important to somebody; involve somebody; be on subject of something. You can see how neglecting any one of these concerns can lead to a problem.
Definitions are all well and good. Why communicate instantly? We don’t often express concerns because concerns are on the minor end of the problem continuum and we feel we can’t justify them. When both speaker and listener measure concerns on a problem scale and when they appear relatively insignificant both say “You’re/I’m overreacting!” “You’re/I’m making a mountain out of a mole hill!!” For that reason, concerns are suppressed, dismissed, deflected, and unheard. Some may not develop into problems, others might. John had his first heart attack and didn’t even know it. His symptoms seemed minor and whatever he was concerned with went away. No harm done, right? In John’s case the speaker/listener duo was his body and mind, but the dynamic happens whenever there is communication.
What would happen if concerns were assessed on their own merit? What if they weren’t assessed at all but rather spoken and heard as concerns and not problems? It would draw attention to troublesome information. If it is unsubstantial, it would vanish in the light of reality. If it was substantive, an early response would solve it and it would be gone forever. More importantly what happens is that speaker and listener sensitize themselves giving voice to a quiet part. It raises esteem, deepens communication, respects diverging experience, and takes the speaker and listener to a new level of intimacy.
Jeff
